I'll start from the beginning. I knew there would be a war. I listened to a lot of news, various experts, political scientists. And there was a premonition. So we prepared what we could. But still I did not want to believe completely.We woke up on the morning of February 24 from the explosions and woke me up, I was like sleeping. We packed, found our three cats, stuffed them in carriers.We arrived to a country house, slept through the night, explosions began in the morning. We went to the basement. About an hour later we decided to go further, to the village. The road again, a long road. The cats no longer cried because they were tired. We arrived at night.We went to bed.Then the days of winter seem to mix into one. My whole body ached, I slept very badly, woke up in horror several times during the night, children's fears returned, the fear of monsters and it was very real. Migraines are back. I have bipolar disorder, a rather complex mental illness that requires constant pharmacological support. And I had little medicine left, so I reduced the dose and because of that at some point I realized that I was starting to have a mania. This is a state when I stop sleeping, become very active, irritable, nauseous, may vomit several times a day, I can not eat, by body and head burns from inside, there may be hallucinations. Then, fortunately, the medicine was sent to us, and my psychiatrist sent me a lot of drugs. I am generally very lucky with people, including doctors.All sensations intensified, especially hearing. I am afraid of loud sounds.When it got warmer, I got better. I noticed how nature awakens, how the buds burst, small green sprouts appear on the ground. Because I get up early, I watched the sunrise every day, it's very beautiful. It is as if a talented artist from the heavenly office has applied all his skills and paints and creates a new canvas every day.I began to have controlled dreams. That is when I know that I am asleep and can control the plot myself. My psychiatrist says that people with mental illness often have interesting properties. Maybe she's right. Through psychotherapy, which I have been undergoing for more than 5 years, I am compensated for the trauma. But there are still events that just affect me terribly. Because war is a horrible stress and it is impossible to be fully prepared for it.My work for me is a kind of art therapy. In addition, I am pleased that it finds respond in the hearts and souls of people. Because I believe that an artist cannot exist without a spectator. I believe that there is something like a noosphere, where all creative ideas live and we have a special opportunity to connect there.What did I you want? I really wanted to come home, take a hot shower and go to bed. It's that simple. And sleep as much as I wanted. To see my brother and parents. And to end of this horror ...